My 28 year old son has a degree in Movement Science and is now interning in strength training at Florida State (go Noles!). He also reads…ALOT. (Funny how I remember his little middle school voice yelling down the stairs “I don’t even like to read!” as I was trying to discuss with him his less than desirable language arts grade!) Anyway, he reads many books on health, physical and emotional. Which is a good thing, because somehow, bless his heart, he inherited certain attributes of my psyche. It seems that we don’t get to choose as parents which innate characteristics our children absorb from us. We do our best, but it’s just how it is. That’s a post for another time:)

So, my son recommends a book to me called “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer. I had been telling him about my struggles with feeling valued at work, leading to me wanting to make a change. He proceeds to tell me that this book had helped him the most with his insecurities. So I bought it right away, and since I’m on spring break, I dove in.  The first chapter is entitled “The Voice Inside Your Head”. Singer explains that we have a dialogue in our head that never stops, it just keeps going and going. Ok. If you have read my earlier posts you know that I know this about myself. Nothing new here….

But, wait….. As I read on I realize Singer has a unique way of dealing with this dialogue. “To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them.”  If we get lost in our own dialogue, we aren’t experiencing the reality of our world, but OUR VERSION of this reality. So, yesterday I took this book’s advice, and stood back and listened to my thoughts, as if they were another person. Yes, in essence, I was talking to myself. I had a doctor’s appointment for a check up at 9:30 am. I decided to not eat at all until afterwards. You may wonder why, but I’m sure all the women out there already know….THE SCALE! (insert evil music here). My thought process was ” I will be so discouraged if I weigh more than I think I should….of course I weigh more, this middle aged thing sucks….it’s so hard to get down to the weight I want….the nurse will think I’m overweight….” and on and on and on.  I stood back, looked at that other “person” who was saying all this, and said “That’s silly. Who cares what they think about your weight. You take care of yourself and eat healthy. Just enjoy getting to know this new doctor….” Because that is what I would have said to myself if I were another person. Here is the truth….we wouldn’t let someone else talk to us the way we talk to ourselves! It worked. As I walked outside, I noticed what a beautiful day it was. I noticed the cool breeze on my face. I noticed the neighbor across the street and that we should meet him because he looks like he’s a nice guy. Yes, my other self was still talking, but I chose to ignore her.

I still didn’t eat until after the appointment. Some things will just take time:-/

Singer says we should be able to get to a point when we can quiet our minds….no thoughts. That will take more practice for me, but I’m up for the challenge. Could this be an answer to be able to relax more? Get more sleep? Live in the moment and truly enjoy every experience without always thinking and making judgements? I think so. (And I highly recommend this book).

Psalms 131

My heart is not proud Lord

My eyes are not haughty

I do not concern myself with great matters, or things too wonderful for me.

But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with it’s mother.

Like a weaned child I am content.

Israel put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.

 

So yes, my brain is a little broken, but it can be fixed.

Just don’t judge me if you see me talking to myself.

 

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